Sears Vs. Amazon.

I needed a new pair of Ironclad work gloves. That meant a trip to Sears. Always a reason to celebrate. I like Sears. It hasn’t changed much since I was a kid.

Man, I sound old.

Chip wanted Media Jean to join us. I had to think about that, because Media Jean asks a lot of questions. The kid has a heart of gold, but she wants to understand everything.

I mean EVERYTHING.

The other thing about Media Jean, she thinks grown-ups are hilarious. Our logic cracks her up. Talking to her can be a bit deflating.

The questions started as soon as she climbed in the car.

MEDIA JEAN: Mr. MacMurray, why are you driving to Sears?

ME: I need new work gloves.

MEDIA JEAN: Can’t you order gloves online?

ME: I want them tonight.

MEDIA JEAN: It’s almost dinner time. Are you working after dinner?

ME: Tomorrow, then.

MEDIA JEAN: Why not overnight a pair of gloves from Amazon?

ME: I want to try them on first.

MEDIA JEAN: Aren’t you getting the same kind of gloves you had before, those Ironman ones?

ME: Ironclad. Yup. I like Ironclad.

MEDIA JEAN: Don’t you remember what size you wear?

ME: Of course.

MEDIA JEAN: Then why not save yourself a trip and overnight the gloves from Amazon?

ME: I want to try a different color.

MEDIA JEAN: What color?

ME: Uh, blue?

MEDIA JEAN: I love blue! Does Sears have blue Ironman gloves in stock?

ME: Ironclad. I don’t know. We’ll see.

MEDIA JEAN: Shouldn’t you call first? I’m checking Amazon right now. They have blue in stock.

(I had to help Media Jean understand why anyone would drive to Sears rather than surf to Amazon, or we’d never get out of the driveway.)

ME: The thing is, I like Sears. I like the way Sears smells. I like walking around Sears. I like messing with the tools. There’s a riding mower on the floor. You can climb up on it, work the gears and everything.

MEDIA JEAN: Can you ride it for a quarter?

ME: No. But every time I go to Sears, I stop by that mower. I almost buy it, every
time I go. I like that. It’s like pretending. For me, Sears is more fun than Amazon.

MEDIA JEAN: So... it’s like going to a candy store instead of buying candy online, except you don’t actually buy candy in the store?

ME: Exactly! You can see it, touch it, smell it. It’s wonderful.

MEDIA JEAN: You’re funny, Mr. MacMurray.

ME: You’re a riot too, Media Jean.

I glance in the rear view mirror and Chip is smiling up at me, his face shining. The more ridiculous I feel, the more out of sync, the more old-fashioned and just plain old, the more he seems to love me.

The more vulnerable I feel, the more love I feel. Go figure.

​I don’t pretend to understand it. But if that’s the math of the Google Age, I’ll take it.

I hope it all adds up in the end.

Comments

Media Jean: I like your dad.

Chip: Me too.

Media Jean: I wasn’t making fun of him.

Chip: It’s OK. He knows you like him.

Media Jean: I do. But he is funny. How Sears smells!?

Chip: I know.

Media Jean: I kept taking deep breaths, but I didn’t notice any particular smell.

Chip: My dad sure did. Remember how he’d stop every now and then and just breathe like he was standing on top of a mountain?

Media Jean: Maybe a little of every breath you take stays inside you.

Chip: You mean for your whole life?

Media Jean: Yeah. Maybe you keep a whiff of everything you ever smelled.

Chip: I’m not sure I like where this is going.

Media Jean: Hahahaha!

Chip: I know what you’re thinking! That’s gross!

Media Jean: I wonder if your sense of smell gets better as you get older.

Chip: Maybe you can actually smell memories.

Media Jean: If it’s true, we could create a line of perfume based on memories. Like A Whiff of Childhood or A Hint of Nostalgia.

Chip: Or Sears, the Tool Aisle.

Media Jean: Sears perfume! Hahaha! That’s hilarious! Let’s mix up a batch for your dad. We can make one for Johnny, too. Distill the aroma of a dirty dollar bill and call it A Touch of Green.

Johnny: Make fun of me all you want, but that perfume idea is gold! We need to create new products.

Media Jean: So the lurker finally appears!

Johnny: I wasn’t lurking! I was listening!

Media Jean: Lurker!

Johnny: Well, I have to keep an eye on you idiots! You waste all day tweeting and facebooking and blogging. But when you actually come up with a money-making idea, what do you do? You goof on it! Perfumes that trigger positive memories?! Are you kidding?! That’s the kind of product consumers live for!

Now let’s get serious! I’m taking charge! Not like last time with our new soda product line. First, we’ll research distillation techniques and market niches. Then…

Hello?

Hey, are you still there?

Are you lurking?

Media Jean, I am not kidding. If you’re still there, say something.

Hellooooo?

I mean it! This is a good idea! Stop messing around!

Oooh, if you’re just sitting there laughing at me…

ARRGH!

Forget it! I’m coming over to your house! We’re going to work on this idea right now!

Media Jean: ... is he gone?

Chip: Yeah. He logged off the network.

Media Jean: He’s heading to my house, so let’s meet at his house.

Chip: I’ll grab my chemistry set.

​​Comic strip from the series "So-Duh"
(Kid, Inc. Volume 1: Look Out, Tomorrow, Here We Come!)

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