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Wow. It’s been almost six months since I started writing (and yes, blogging). I remember when six months seemed like a long time. Now — snap, blink, zoom — it’s summer.
I suppose that’s true of any block of time once it falls behind you. Even a good long run, glimpsed over the shoulder, is a short life. Still, it bothers me. I get aging. Maturity. Experience. I get that. Makes sense. But death? What a stupid way to end life. Yeah, yeah, I know about the circle, eternal energy, returning to the source, heaven, reincarnation, all the scientific, natural, and spiritual reasons to recycle these borrowed atoms. But seriously, who wants to end their life by dying? Be honest now. Even if you believe in heaven of some sort, which I do, wouldn’t you still miss this place, this life? Even if you know you’re stepping into another room, wouldn’t you hesitate in the doorway? Maybe Thich Nhat Hanh is right: the only immortality we can be sure about is right now. The present moment. When I’m fully present, right here, right now, I feel eternal. Time passes slowly, the way time passes for evergreen elves in fairy tales. I’m not afraid of death. Not hurt by the past or scared by the future. When I am here, I am immortal. Gotta say, I feel better now. Writing myself down picks me up. I’ll never figure this all out, but it’s fun trying. Comments 
Media Jean: Sounds like you’re dad is on one of his “Death is stupid” kicks. 
Chip: Yeah. He’s been losing a lot of sleep. I’ll wake up to get a drink of water and he’s sitting on the porch, looking at the stars.
Media Jean: Poor guy. What started it this time?
Chip: I think he feels life passing him by. He’s in his 40s and hasn’t achieved any of his big dreams.
Media Jean: I didn’t know your dad had big dreams.
Chip: Parents are funny that way. You think they’re just fine, then you find out they have all these secret dreams. It’s kind of weird, actually.
Media Jean: What kind of dreams?
Chip: Well, he wants to be a singer-songwriter.
Media Jean: You’re kidding?
Chip: You know, like Bob Dylan.
Media Jean: But your dad doesn’t like being in front of people.
Chip: I guess that’s what makes it a dream. It’s too bad, because he has a pretty good voice. And some of the songs he makes up in the shower are really good.
Media Jean: In the shower?!
Chip: Sometimes I listen outside the door. When I tell him, “You’re good,” he always says, “Yeah, shower good.”
Media Jean: Hmm. Hey, maybe he just needs proof!
Chip: What kind of proof?
Media Jean: Let’s set up a hidden video camera. Record him singing in the shower.
Chip: I don’t know…
Media Jean: A spy cam. From the shoulders up. Nothing embarrassing. We’ll post it on YouTube!
Chip: Well, he is really good.
Media Jean: Look, he dreams of being a singer, right? He just needs a little push onto the stage. What does he have to lose?
Chip: Whenever we ask that question about grown-ups, the answer is always, “More than you think.”
Media Jean: Oh, grown-ups take themselves too seriously! What’s that thing Thoreau said about dreams? He’s your dad’s favorite writer, isn’t he?
Chip: Something about advancing in the direction of your dreams…
Media Jean: Right! “If one advances ridiculously in the direction of one’s dreams, good things are bound to happen eventually.”
Chip: I don’t think that’s it.
Media Jean: Close enough. So… what do you say?
Chip: Let’s do it!
Media Jean: Great! I’ll come over and help you set up the spy cam.
Chip: I bet he’ll even thank us for this one day.
Media Jean: You bet! The best way to get over death is to get on with life, that’s what I say.
Chip: You sound a little like Thoreau yourself.
Media Jean: Ha! Now there’s a guy I’d like to catch singing in the shower! The old sour puss!
Chip: Ha ha! Thoreau singing in the shower at Walden Pond!
Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
When I was younger, I spent December stacking resolution upon resolution, Yertle the Turtle of Good Intentions, gazing into the new year at what I thought would become the new me.
Resolutions were emotionally resolute, but in terms of practicality, they were no better than predictions. Making a New Year’s resolution was more like gambling than work. Black Jack Self Development, Who I Want To Be playing against the House of Who I Am. Sure, I might win a few hands. Might even get a hot streak. But sooner or later, the House always wins. My resolutions always left me feeling bankrupt. So now, I don’t make resolutions about the future. I make course corrections to the present. I don’t stand in December and look for little worm holes of self-improvement to transport me into January. Instead, I cruise along the highway of December, cross the state line into January, make adjustments to my internal GPS, and just keep on truckin’ into February. Here are my latest course corrections:
Not a “resolution” in the bunch. Just simple course corrections, on-the-road activities to add variety and joy to this good long ride. Comments
Media Jean: I don’t get adults. Why are they so big on resolutions, promises and rules? Can’t they just be happy?
Chip: They do make it kinda hard on themselves.
Media Jean: Them?! I’m talking about us!
Chip: What do you mean?
Media Jean: They’re always trying to change us! They can’t let anything go! Leave socks on the floor, forget to make the bed, walk on the couch, make too much noise, use a rude word, you name it—and BAM!—they pounce on you!
Chip: It does get annoying sometimes.
Media Jean: Sometimes?! For kids, every day is New Year’s Day and adults pile on the their resolutions! Be more polite! Clean your room! Brush your teeth! Don’t put your feet on furniture! Get more sleep! Wake up on time!
Chip: Do homework first. Eat less junk food. Eat more vegetables. Play less video games. Read more books.
Media Jean: Kids don’t need New Year’s resolutions. We have New Year’s Nags and they last all year long!
Chip: And they’re not even new.
Media Jean: That’s true! I’d love to hear something really new from a grown-up. Like, “Eat dessert first in case you get full.”
Chip: Or, “Plant vegetables like flowers: to look at, not eat.”
Media Jean: “Don’t take anything I say too seriously: consider the source.”
Chip: “It’s too quiet in here, make some noise.”
Media Jean: “It’s too neat in here, make a mess.”
Chip: “Sometimes it’s OK to pick your nose.”
Media Jean: Wouldn’t it be great if we could make New Year’s resolutions for grown-ups?
Chip: Maybe we should.
Media Jean: Let’s meet at the park and start a list!
Chip: It’ll be a long list.
Media Jean: I got time.
Chip: Me, too. See you there!! 
Comic strip from the series "The Homework Protest"
(Kid, Inc. Volume 1: Look Out, Tomorrow, Here We Come!) Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
I can see Chip percolating on Aunt Bosky’s diagnosis.
I miss how it used to be. He’d climb into my lap, we’d talk, and all his troubles got sorted out right there, with my arms around him. Of course, most of his worries were the sortable kind. His little Rubik’s Cube was never more than a few turns out of sync. Now? I’m not sure how it happened, but most of my fatherly tasks have been delegated. So when Chip heard about Aunt Bosky’s cancer, he took his questions to Google. Meanwhile, I stand in the wings, waiting like an understudy to be called on stage. Let’s face it, dads. Fatherhood is being outsourced:
Wake up, dads of America! The Father Fire-Sale is on! The marketers and sellers and branders have hijacked your role! Task by task, you are being replaced! Stand up before it’s too late! Unplug those computers, turn off those Wi-Fis, box up those game stations! Take a page from Howard Beale’s notebook: get up, stick your head out the window and shout, “I’m a mad dad and I’m not going to delegate any more!” Whoa... Got a little carried away there. Take a breath, Bob. Wait a minute! Why am I apologizing? Maybe I need to get carried away. Shouting is appropriate in a burning house. Comments
Media Jean: I sometimes forget that your dad doesn’t just dislike technology. He kinda hates it.
Chip: Yeah. Once I tried explaining how the newspapers and books he loves are also technology. I mean, newspapers were new at some point. People used to gather in the town square. News was a real community event. If you asked a Town Crier, he might say newspapers ruined everything.
Media Jean: I never thought about it that way!
Chip: That’s nothing compared to books. Books were a bigger change than the Internet ever was.
Media Jean: I guess that’s true. Books changed how people got and shared information. The internet is just an upgrade.
Chip: Right! If you look at today’s technology as just the next step, then it’s not so scary because there was a step before this step, a step you were comfortable with. From that point of view, changing technologies are as natural as changing seasons.
Media Jean: I love that kind of thinking! What’d your dad say to all that?
Chip: He said, “That may be technically true, but it’s not emotionally true.”
Media Jean: Uh… What does that mean?
Chip: Beats me. He tried to explain it, but lost me after the fifth Thoreau quote.
Media Jean: Your dad has read us the Thoreau Riot Act so many times, I practically got that book memorized.
Chip: The Thoreau Riot Act. That’s funny.
Media Jean: Thoreau! What a sour puss! I bet he wasn’t invited to a lot of parties.
Chip: Ha ha! Thoreau the party pooper!
Media Jean: Ha ha! Instead of, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately,” maybe his first draft of Walden really read, “I went into the woods because nobody liked me.”
Chip: Ha ha!
Media Jean: Let’s go to Project Gutenberg, download Walden, and publish an “unauthorized first draft.” We can rewrite the whole thing from a whiner’s point of view.
Chip: I don’t know. It’s pretty preachy already.
Media Jean: That’s true. Man, you can’t even make fun of Thoreau for long. What a sour puss! 
Comic strip from the series "Bob's No Tech Igloo"
(Kid, Inc. Volume 2: The Batcave of Childhood) Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
Alice has been tweeting a “weekly mantra,” thoughts to keep in the grown-up mind as she spends her day teaching the child mind.
Turns out, the kids have been making posters out of her mantras. Knowing I’ll never go online, she prints them out and sends them to me as postcards, via good ol’ snail mail. They’re beautiful. Great strong words to help me through the day. But I have to say, I’m surprised. Thoreau and Emerson, Shakespeare and Dickinson. They seem (I hate to say it) too old to be of any real interest to the TikTok generation. And I can’t help but wonder what quotes the kids themselves would choose for their daily mantras. Comments
Media Jean: If by “old” he means “boring,” he’s right.
Chip: I kind of like them.
Media Jean: Let’s take his advice and Google some mantras and quotes of our own.
Chip: I found a page called Teachers First with great quotes, like, “People in glass houses… better not take off their clothes.”
Media Jean: That’s hilarious! I like this one, “A penny saved is… not much.”
Chip: “Two’s company, three’s… the Musketeers.”
Media Jean: Ha ha! “He who laughs last… didn’t understand the joke.”
Chip: Teachers First is a great web site! Check out, Wise Advice from Kids. I like this one, “Never trust a dog to watch your food.”
Media Jean: Ha ha! “You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.” I wonder if they’re talking about school or homework?
Chip: “Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.”
Media Jean: See? These quotes are as good as anything ol’ Thoreau ever said.
Chip: You really think so?
Media Jean: Sure! Take that one about not trusting a dog to watch your food. That’s about understanding who someone is. Their true nature. That’s philosophy. That helps you make better decisions. Thoreau or Play-Dough couldn’t have said it any better.
Chip: I think that's Plato. But it is pretty good.
Media Jean: Let’s make a poster out of it and snail-mail it to your dad!
Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
To all you dads out there:
Do you feel out of sync with this synced-up world? Does the skiff of your soul struggle on the choppy waves of the future? It’s OK, you can admit it. You’re not alone. I have a feeling there are more of us adrift out here than you think. Here are my top Overwhelmed Dad Mantras, just for you:
There isn’t much in this world more wonderful than having all the answers for your kids. We really do know everything they need to know, but only for a few years. I still hear Chip asking me all those kid-sized questions: What time is it? Can you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Where do strawberries come from? Can you tell me a story? How do we get home? What’s the moon? How do you tie shoes? Can you teach me to ride a bike? Why’s the sky blue? Can you walk on clouds? Now he has Google and AI. When I wanted to learn origami, I asked my dad. When Chip wanted to learn origami, he asked YouTube. When I wondered where my food came from, my dad and I planted a garden. It took all summer to answer that question. Chip gets all his answers right away, in clicks and bits. He doesn’t ask his ol’ dad much at all anymore. And when he does, he checks my answers online. Being a dad isn’t what it used to be. I miss gazing in his wide open face when I gave him the answers. Miss looking up the answers together when neither of us knew. Miss how long it used to take to discover the world around you. Miss all of that. It was over way too soon. Comments
Chip: I’m going to ask dad why the days are so long in summer. I already know. I looked it up online. But I’m going to ask him anyway. Then I’ll ask him to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Media Jean: It’s hard work raising a parent these days. I still ask my dad to take me to the last video store in town even though I got everything streaming on my phone. Maybe mom’s right: it’s the little things that count, especially with dads. 
Comic strip from the series "The Story of Fall"
(Kid, Inc. Volume 1: Look Out, Tomorrow, Here We Come!) Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
Chip asked for a list of my M & Ms (Mantras and Mottos). It’s a long list, but here are a few.
Hate to admit it, but it feels good to vent these out. I should print T-shirts. Bet there are enough overwhelmed dads out there, I’d make a couple of bucks. Might as well let loose with a few more.
Comments
Chip: My dad’s got a million of these.
Media Jean: Maybe you should start smaller, Chip. Try upgrading your dad from Luddite to Neo-Luddite.
Chip: Great idea! As a Neo-Luddite, he could fight technology while still enjoying some of it’s benefits.
Media Jean: Exactly! 
Johnny: When are we going to print those T-shirts?! For once, Chip’s dad is right: non-geek men are an untapped market!
Media Jean: We could sell T-shirts online and split profits 50-50 with your dad.
Johnny: Whoa! 50-50? Are you crazy? 90-10!
Media Jean: I guess that’s only fair. Chip’s dad did most of the work.
Johnny: Not 90-10 to him! 90-10 to us!
Media Jean: But we’re benefiting from his creativity.
Johnny: So?! Branding, packaging, manufacturing, marketing, selling — that’s all on us!
Chip: Without the creative, we’d have nothing to brand, package, manufacture, market or sell.
Media Jean: Let’s vote. All in favor of 50-50? Aye!
Chip: Aye!
Johnny: No!
Media Jean: 50-50 it is!
Johnny: One day I’m going to buy this company just so I can fire you idiots! Mark my words.
Have a thought for Bob? Write to us at [email protected]
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AuthorHey, I'm Bob, and I hate technology. So why am I blogging? Because I love my son. He upgraded my typewriter to wirelessly post every keystroke online. It makes him happy, so here I am. Archives
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